Tuesday, February 26, 2008

meanings

I have often felt that sometimes I value some people more than they value me. And often there have been times when this inkling of a feeling comes to reality.

My mother has a saying that weddings and funerals bring out the worst in people. Maybe that's so. I certainly hope this particular wedding doesn't bring out the worst in me. I had been friends with a girl since we were 4yrs old. We've been to pre-K together, high school, and always managed to be close friends. In fact, I had always thought we were best friends. Alas, she is getting married, and I am not included in her bridal party - a trivial thing for some, but when you've known someone as long, and dreamed of this day for as long, well, it's a betrayal of a sort.

Funny how these little trifles elude to how someone truly views you: too loud, too fat, too bossy, too ugly. The list could go on. What I find to be the most unfortunate is that now I think I should redesign my future plans. Some things that lay in darkness have been brought to light and now I must change the thoughts and feelings that I once thought unchangeable.

I'm not having a pity-party here - although it sounds as though I am. I have always believed that weddings are special days, and the bride should plan whatever it is that she wants. And if this particular bride has chosen to exclude me, then she has her reasons. Her day will be exactly how she wants it, and that is how weddings should be. But I stand on the outside fighting with my own feelings. Perhaps these feelings were always present and this wedding is just a catalyst.

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