Saturday, July 18, 2009

"Best of Luck"

When I left my old job, one of my coworkers grabbed a piece of construction paper and made everyone sign it in a show of solidarity with me and my decision to leave. There were some really nice messages on it. It was really nice.

But someone that I thought I was very good friends wrote a simple and sarcastic, "best of luck." When I think back on all the details of our friendship, I wonder: "Were we even friends at all?" I have some pretty awesome friends - ladies that are a real friendship compass - so when I measure this woman against them, she falls short. But then again, she always said if I went to another centre, she probably wouldn't talk to me. Interestingly enough, it was long before my decision to leave that she stopped talking. It was right in the middle of a really bad time for me - and some friends at work were super supportive and helpful - they knew that something was amiss even though I didn't have the courage to say what exactly it was. They really helped to keep my focus. But the one woman I thought would be there for me, the one woman who I thought was my closest friend at work wasn't there. She pulled away. And when I hold that against my friendship compass - ladies of real substance - well, she doesn't even measure up, and looking back, she never did.

So now I'm at a new job - I've just had 2 great weeks of work and I'm loving it. I love the way I'm relaxed, I'm making new friends and I'm in a job that I adore. I'm not nervous when someone comes in to observe me doing therapy with a child because I'm confident of what I know, and inquisitive of what I don't. I'm not worried that someone that I thought was my friend is making snide remarks behind my back, because when it all boils down, she doesn't matter anymore, and her words reflect her, and not me.

And if a bad turn comes again, I'll know better. I'll know who to reach out to. I know that I have to do certain things to keep my sanity, and I've found a job that I think will keep me in a great place. I have friends that I have a real reciprocity with. And I've learned to weed out the trash.

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