Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Being Okay

I've been thinking about the concept of "being okay" a lot lately.  When I went looking for a photo to sort of match the kind of emotion I've been feeling for this post, I found an interesting idea.  The person who posted this photo on Flickr wrote a very interesting note about seven truths.  She said that every time she feels upset or has a lot on her plate, she writes seven truths.  Sometimes they get deleted.  Sometimes they get posted on Flickr.  I'm going to try to come up with seven truths about "being okay."

1.  I've been wondering if I'm missing something to being okay.  I'm wondering if there is something that I need to do or feel in order to be okay in life.  How will it manifest itself?  How will I know when it happens or I see it?    Sometimes I think: "If I could just be married with kids, then I'll be okay as a person," but what if that doesn't happen?  What will I have to do or be in order to be okay then?

2.  I hate going to things where there might be couples or families.  Mostly, I dislike going to anything wedding or baby related.  It makes me feel like I'm defective.  And when I'm around a lot of babies and families, I feel like I've really got to fake it to make it.  

3.  All that baby and family stuff aside, I'm really in no hurry to give up my amazing single life.  I can come and go as I please without a care in the world - no one is absolutely dependent on me.

4.  But the thought that no one is absolutely dependent on me scares the bejesus out of me... does it mean that my life has little consequence?  Does that make me like Topaz Edgeworth in Ethel Wilson's "The Innocent Traveller" - live for a hundred years and pass away with no one caring because you've left no family legacy behind to remember you?

5.  Even though this post is incredibly pessimistic, I really do have an optimistic outlook on life.  My glass is pretty much always half full - just sometimes it's filled with mud instead of champagne.

6.  Sometimes making plans for the future is the best way to screw up your present.  I try to not think about what the future might look like, even though I get scared and start thinking things like my Truth #1 - what do I have to do to be okay - but then that just ends up causing more heartache.

7.  In my favourite book, "The Alchemist," by Paolo Coelho, there is a beautiful quote: "When it comes to realizing your personal dream, the universe conspires with you to achieve it."  The truth is, that's a big, fat lie.  


Jen said...

Well...being pretty much on the opposite end of the spectrum from you, married and lots of little 'uns...I still feel very lost and wonder about the point of it all from time to time...AND...I also feel like I have to fake it on those very same occasions too. Set that all aside...if you stay single, don't fret. I have 1 amazing single Aunt, no kids and she will always be #1 in my books and a Great Aunt who passed many moons ago leaving behind no offspring, no husband and wonderful memories that will never fade. What do you need to do to be okay? I'm not sure, but accepting ourselves as we are sounds about right. Take Care!

Feminist Farmer's Wife said...

I once wondered while in my thirties if I would ever meet someone and have children. I am a handful you see. Now I realize we bring the exact same template to everything we do unless something on the INSIDE changes. The outside stuff shifted greatly in the past decade for me but I still wonder and worry that I don't contribute enough to the world. I am still pondering the thing about the universe conspiring with you to find your dream...something about it is true - yet I see your point that we don't get to make choices about every single thing (no pun intended). It can be hard to recognize we are whole without the human cling-ons in our life. But we are!