Monday, May 23, 2011

17


Do you ever have that feeling when you wake up that it's going to be a craptacular kind of day?  I have those sometimes.  Usually May 22nd is an automatic bad day from the moment I open my eyes til the moment I fall asleep.  But this time it really wasn't.  And the more I think about how I should have been upset all day long, the more May 23rd is turning out to be an automatic bad day!  Nah, not true.  I think I'm just feeling guilty for not feeling as sad as I should, or have always felt in the past.  Someone said today that it felt like yesterday that my father died.  Nope.  False.  It feels like seventeen excruciatingly long years.  It feels like a long list that includes winning Miss Shawville Fair, showing in 4H, learning to drive, getting a driver's license, high school graduation, first boyfriend,  first day at college, winning college judging competitions, being a 4H president, being a student union president, completing a farm project, first job, becoming a teacher, buying my first car on my own, being a good artist, moving home, moving on.  Every day is another bulletin point on that long list.  And I know that there are still some major milestones left to come.  Some days I'm sad.  Some days I'm really mad.  But mostly, I keep moving on.  

1 comment:

Jen said...

and you do it all so gracefully. So proud of you.